divendres, de març 03, 2006
Job Searchitis
Chillicothe, OH --- The symptoms of job sickness are well known, the slacking, the tardiness, the misplaced attention- the list could go on and on with things we all know too well. Large private enterprises, in all industries, are not only giving notice to these signs of unproductivity, some even fund further research into the pandemic. This factor tossed in with the common employee’s facility 
to scour the job market fuels the ebb and flow that is today’s constantly transitioning workforce.
The reality the individual worker inhabits is pockmarked by a complex maze of incentives and expectations. The West’s perception of a person’s status and worth are intertwined to said person’s occupation. Very few live in denial over that fact and this is why Emily Bronson is not afraid to admit her motivation behind the high standards she is has for her next job.
A comptroller at a medium sized payroll office, Emily weighs her option methodically in hopes of hooking a big one. “The only thing I want out of the next [job] is to make all these losers jealous,” elaborates Ms. Bronson. “I look around and, you know, wonder if they really think I am like them. I’m definitely holding out for something that will make them more jealous than when Rich Heberson, from over in Client Management, got that job handing out those big Publisher Clearinghouse checks.”
With most job searches there is a plethora of information to sift through and Emily is no different. What Emily doesn’t know is that her former coworker, Rich, had some help.
“My cousin, Linda, was going out with the dude who used to take the pictures and he let me know that they were hiring. He made sure to put in a good word for b/c he knows he’s got to look good in front of Linda,” confesses Heberson. “Either way tell her Emily she’s S.O.L. b/c sweet rides like mine don’t get put up on Monster.“
Hilda Difanagass, a professor at Ohio University - Chillicothe who specializes in researching occupational stress management hazard awareness, provided further insight as to why so many people share Emily Bronson’s source of motivation.
“We indoctrinate our children with this idea that they must leave a social setting on a high note from the instant the zygote of comprehension is concieved in their minds. We tell them ‘to come, see, and conquer.’ They are heavily bombarded with comedians who save their best joke for last, and traumatized with an incessant onslaught of dramatic climaxes that are preceded by long lengths of meaningless build up. By adolescence it is near impossible to not want to ‘go out on a high note’ or ‘ride into the sunset.’ This blanket of aspiration is inescapable.”
While not denying that her feelings are not unique Emily does not allow her motivational unoriginality to discourage her. “I made it past a phone screening a few weeks ago for the Mrs. Planters job, then I realized that, like, I needed something that would,you know, blow their feet off.”
Whereas the chance Emily Bronson ever finds a job that will satisfy her desire to be the envy of all is uncertain, your correspondent can vouch for their being no shortage of socks in this small town situated on the western outskirts of the middle of nowhere.
Wow. These posts get more and more Tom Robbins-esque by the day... to the point that this reader can't help but wonder if Mr. Robbins is uncharacteristically ghost-writing for Mr. Lorenzo....
Thanks, but I'm pretty sure it is the lack of mythical allusions, extremely sexual female characters, and reinterpretation of history that sets Tom's work apart from mine.
Oh and also a boat load of quality.
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to scour the job market fuels the ebb and flow that is today’s constantly transitioning workforce.The reality the individual worker inhabits is pockmarked by a complex maze of incentives and expectations. The West’s perception of a person’s status and worth are intertwined to said person’s occupation. Very few live in denial over that fact and this is why Emily Bronson is not afraid to admit her motivation behind the high standards she is has for her next job.
A comptroller at a medium sized payroll office, Emily weighs her option methodically in hopes of hooking a big one. “The only thing I want out of the next [job] is to make all these losers jealous,” elaborates Ms. Bronson. “I look around and, you know, wonder if they really think I am like them. I’m definitely holding out for something that will make them more jealous than when Rich Heberson, from over in Client Management, got that job handing out those big Publisher Clearinghouse checks.”
With most job searches there is a plethora of information to sift through and Emily is no different. What Emily doesn’t know is that her former coworker, Rich, had some help.
“My cousin, Linda, was going out with the dude who used to take the pictures and he let me know that they were hiring. He made sure to put in a good word for b/c he knows he’s got to look good in front of Linda,” confesses Heberson. “Either way tell her Emily she’s S.O.L. b/c sweet rides like mine don’t get put up on Monster.“
Hilda Difanagass, a professor at Ohio University - Chillicothe who specializes in researching occupational stress management hazard awareness, provided further insight as to why so many people share Emily Bronson’s source of motivation.
“We indoctrinate our children with this idea that they must leave a social setting on a high note from the instant the zygote of comprehension is concieved in their minds. We tell them ‘to come, see, and conquer.’ They are heavily bombarded with comedians who save their best joke for last, and traumatized with an incessant onslaught of dramatic climaxes that are preceded by long lengths of meaningless build up. By adolescence it is near impossible to not want to ‘go out on a high note’ or ‘ride into the sunset.’ This blanket of aspiration is inescapable.”
While not denying that her feelings are not unique Emily does not allow her motivational unoriginality to discourage her. “I made it past a phone screening a few weeks ago for the Mrs. Planters job, then I realized that, like, I needed something that would,you know, blow their feet off.”
Whereas the chance Emily Bronson ever finds a job that will satisfy her desire to be the envy of all is uncertain, your correspondent can vouch for their being no shortage of socks in this small town situated on the western outskirts of the middle of nowhere.
Wow. These posts get more and more Tom Robbins-esque by the day... to the point that this reader can't help but wonder if Mr. Robbins is uncharacteristically ghost-writing for Mr. Lorenzo....
Thanks, but I'm pretty sure it is the lack of mythical allusions, extremely sexual female characters, and reinterpretation of history that sets Tom's work apart from mine.
Oh and also a boat load of quality.
Publica un comentari a l'entrada