dijous, de març 02, 2006

My 5 Year Letter

In early 2006 Michael Lorenzo received a letter he had written to himself 5 years earlier as part of an english class project. Weeks later, much to his surprise, Michael received another correspondence that also was from 5 years away, except this time from 5 years in the future. Fortunately he has chosen to share this rare experience and has allowed MOOY to reprint the e-mail from the future.

MOOY presents: The Future


The sky is falling, its the end of the world! Grow gills! No, I’m just kidding. Do you think you would be writing letter if the world were ending?

It’s a little weird calling you “you,” I have to admit. I suppose pronouns are pointless when you are talking to yourself.

Just by receiving this letter and what has been written so far you should be able to correctly predict the following things:
1. You still write in lists
2. You are actually less funny. Some how you found a way
3. You have a lot of free time

Actually you don’t have a ton of free time, but that’s mostly due to bills. I thought it would be nice to send you a five year letter since you got the one from high school a little while ago.

Let me clear some things up before you get the wrong idea by getting this e-mail. No, we do not have time machines and we don’t do things to change the past here in the future. The short of it is that someone figured out there isn’t really a time dimension to the internet and we could as easily send e-mails to the past as we already could to the future. The end of this was just a big commercial marketing industry that you call “spam mail.” That’s right spam is from the future.

So why haven’t I written before, well, like i said I’ve been busy and, to be honest, didn’t really have too much to say. I wouldn’t want to change something I did and then all of a sudden be stuck in some bad Nick Cage or Jim Belushi movie. Yeeesh, no way. Who’d they end up with any ways? Tea Leoni and Linda Hamilton? No, thanks. Therefore don’t expect me to spell out what you should do for the next five years. God knows I would need more than two chances to get it right.

I do want to tell you that you’ve got no reason to start worrying, ever. You haven’t gone to jail, you didn’t lose you mind, and no one is trying to kill you. Actually it would be closer to the truth if I just said that at least no one is trying really hard to kill you. Sure you’ve encountered problems but nothing that would make you wish you were instead in Haiti. Yeah, that place is still pretty fucked up.

The main reason I sat down to send you this message was to be encouraging but I’ve probably gone on too many tangents for that to come across. Either way just play it cool and you’ll be fine. Nonetheless I do want to close with some tips that will save you some trouble.

- Don’t go to that Dianetics seminar. It’s not worth satisfying the curiosity
- The girl at the bar in San Bernardino isn’t looking at you, she has a lazy eye and a husband
- Keep eating pistachio nuts, you’ll understand eventually
- No one will get that your Halloween costume is supposed to be Epstine from “Welcome Back Kotter.”

I’ll know if you got the letter so don’t bother responding, the thought alone will get the message across. Oh, before I go let me tell you that you are going to love what a dick Walt Disney is when they bring him back. Wow, what an asshole. Disney the Douche!

# posted by just another one of you @ 3:21 p. m. ::


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Everything on this website is solely the opinion of Michael Lorenzo, which should not be taken to reflect the truth in any way. As for the pictures, I don't know who these people are.