dimecres, de febrer 28, 2007
Snake Won't Save You Now
Let us step outside the 24 hour news networks, away from the evening news, and even further away from Hollywood. Take a moment to refresh your thoughts with a dose of reality. Now realize that there are 200 million people living in the Middle East. The vast majority of who are living their lives with nay a militant in sight.
While it is still slightly more dangerous for American tourists in Middle Eastern countries than it was for Germans in Florida during the early nineties the area still is far from being somewhere our government is going to drop Kurt Russell into.
dimarts, de febrer 20, 2007
Things To Google
I've been thinking about DMT a lot. A friend of mine mentioned it in a conversation we were having about Joe Rogan, I think. (DMT is a naturally produced chemical in the brain, believed to induce dreams) I joked at the time that of course it was extremely hard to come across since they probably had to squeeze baby brains to get it. Little did I know that it exists in most mammals and many plants. It is very available, but very hidden, unintentionally, at the same time if that makes any sense.
Reading further into Dr McKenna introduced me to his Novelty Theory and its startling predictions. The fact that innovations are continuously discovered and the rate at which they are discovered is constantly increasing is a given. Given this fact an algorithm was created that predicted when the rate at which innovations are discovered reached infinity. The exact date is December 11, 2012. Actually 11:10 pm that night. I feel bad for my mom and my friend Danny b/c it seems if all goes to plan their birthdays (the following day) will see irrelevant.
There is also a big coincidence with the date McKenna's algorithm landed on. It is the exact date that the Mayan's predicted we would access the Sacred Tree. "Now this is getting really crazy," you are saying, no doubt. Unfortunately it is true, and both were created autonomously of each other. What does that Sacred Tree bullshit mean?
I suggest looking into all those things, b/c they are more real than Evolution, the Trade Deficit, Global Warming and Class Warfare. Yet you will not find much information about any of them in mainstream culture.
diumenge, de febrer 18, 2007
Signs
I think the only way it could get worse is if I woke up to Maxi Priest and found myself clicking the virtual button so the gorilla wont get me before I reach the ladder dangling from the copter. Where did that big Gorilla come from anyways? I guess I'll do anything for a free ringtone.
Another way to know that you are having a bad night is to find yourself in a hotel room where the only entertainment is a short guy imitating a pirate while dancing on a table. Throw in the fact that the only chicks in the room are big enough to challenge you in an arm wrestling competition and you have a night that was missing a "NO OUTLET" sign when you entered it.
dissabte, de febrer 17, 2007
Why I Shouldn't Drink or How I Forgot to Remember the Drive of a Lifetime
Waking up is always a good thing. There may be situations where you may want to stay asleep, but there is no denying that you will want to wake up at some point. When I awoke on Friday morning I had no doubt it was a good thing. The main reason being that I had no idea how I ended up waking up in my house. I didn't know that the Spam All Stars were even done playing yet.
As I began to retrace my steps through the path of discarded clothes and the thrown about remnants of what once occupied my pockets I realized I had some 'splaining to do. My license would not be found until two days later, and the clothes would need to be washed imediatley. Thankfully, not due to any fluid spillage but rather b/c of the vast unknown I had just awoken from.
---- 4 hours earlier ----
The main question I have right now is "Where the fuck is the road?" Questions regarding my general location, my motivation for off-roading right before dawn, or how I ended up here would need to wait.
Grass, trees, and a tall fence to my left are all I can make out. Somehow that's all I needed b/c I seem to have come into the situation already going over 50 mph and in the driver's seat.
I need to get the fuck out of here and back home
---- 5 hours earlier ----
It's Thursday night, which means the Spam All Stars will be playing at Hoy Como Ayer. I love that place. So much character. Love the Spam too. I really can't get enough, and I'm a bit insecure that I am not having as good as a time as they deserve when they play.
Either way its ladies night, and ladies love dancing to le Spam's grooves. This is all working together nicely. I think I am going to see if a couple of friends want to help me polish of a bottle of Bombay blue before heading out.
The ladies can go ahead and get there for free, but I'm going to take my time getting sauced up before I even step out.
---- 2 Hours later ----
The bar is blowing up. I can't really ask for anything more, just that this doesn't stop soon. Oh, someone is ordering some Black on the rocks, sweet! This will help keep the good times rolling.
---- 3 hours later ----
Why the hell doesn't this fence end? Is this a park or someone's house that I am driving through? Perhaps a school?
Fuck it I'm going to make my way out. That fence can't stop me at this speed.
---- 4 hours later ----
After waking up and stumbling about my room for a few I thought there might be a chance that I left my license in my car and I went out to take a look. As soon as I got to my car I knew I had done something stupid last night. My hood, front bumper, windshield, roof, and back of my car have scratches on them. I am, at this point, wondering who or what I hit last night.
Did I give that person or thing my license? I really hope not. I really don't need this right now. My head is pounding and I think I'm still a little bit buzzed.
I subsequently called my father to see what he had to say. He had to have seen it. He doesn't miss things like that. Shit he might have been the person who drove that car home from all I can remember. Just 2 days until I wouldn't be staying at my parents house any longer and I couldn't wait until then to wreck my car. Once again timing is everything.
My father's reaction - "It looks like you drove through a fence."
At that point my memory is triggered into displaying images of me behind the wheel of an SUV as it barrels through a park-like setting eventually swerving to the left and blowing through a fence. There are only two thoughts in my head and they are best paraphrased by the following questions:
- How did he know?
- What the hell is wrong with me?
Apparently I had way too much to drink the night before. When I am only drinking liquor and no mixer all night it is very easy to predict what is going to happen. I will black out hours before I pass out. This usually leads to the people around me assuming that I am not "that drunk" or am just having a good time. I have no idea what I say or do at those times, but usually end up having a couple things to deal with in the morning because of it. While it is emboldening in a frat-boy sense to know that your subconscious can continue drinking for you its even more so disheartening to know that control is so easily lost.
I wasted at least 3 gallons of gas driving around in that stupor. Where I drove I don't know. I would like to say I just drove around, but when all I can remember is the part where I was careening through, what looked like, a park I don't feel confident assuming it was an easy drive. Somehow I did not get pulled over. God protected me, and more so whoever else was out there.
I am still kind of scared that I did something else that night which will come back to bite me in the ass. I have never gone driving through a park late at night. I do not know how I would even get my car into the park that I think it might have been. Even worse, I can not think what circumstance would lead me to believe that busting my car through a fence would be a good idea. If anyone can help me fill in the gaps please let me know.